Teaching Kids to be Loving

When I was a volunteer in school, I never once shouted at, threatened or punished a child, nor bribed a child to do what I wanted them to with "positive reinforcement" like the promise of a gold star or a treat ---- Most, if not all of the other teachers were strict disciplinarians, but time after time I got specifically put with the most difficult children in the class, because it didn't take long for them to see that I was excellent at dealing with them: they didn't go out of control, or when they did, I found ways to help them regain it quickly enough.

Yes, there were challenges, but if I had just hit those kids I would have never learned to overcome those challenges in all the amazingly ingenious ways I was forced to. I never would have learned what motivated those children when they were being difficult, or what was real for them in those moment when they were being challenging.

Yes, I probably could have got them to stop misbehaving, maybe, with a swot, but that would only teach them that when someone does something you don't want them to do the best way to get them to comply is by hitting them.

Those kids loved and respected me. The so-called "difficult" ones took to me better than their teachers, and were more compliant with me, because I treated them with respect without expecting anything in return - on some level they got that, and I won their trust.

I NEVER, EVER, EVER would have jeopardised that respect by punishing them or hitting them, (even if it was legal to hit in school), even if it was more effective in getting what I wanted. As it turned out, reason was more effective. It allowed me to show that I cared about those children so much I would care about them even when they weren't doing what I wanted them to do. Not hitting means Unconditional love, not just "I love you when you're convenient." That's what all disciplinarian methods are really saying.

If you want kids to learn to be loving, you know what you have to do. Set an example. Show them what it looks like to go the extra mile, even when it's challenging not to do what was done to you to get you to "behave."

Love, love.